Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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