"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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