Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize