i already hear my dad disowning me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
