you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
