I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
