The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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