There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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