Kiss
Puke
look no pants
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
