got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
