no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
