Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
