I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
