Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
