So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
