You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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