too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
