New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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