One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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