Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
