yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
