If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
