We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins