True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let's get the cat blown out
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.