You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize