i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?