how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.