Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.