the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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