Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
