OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
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Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize