I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
