I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
