Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
