we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
