I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
