he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
