I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i now understand why vodka
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
