I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
