They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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