My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
