Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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