Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
