was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
