it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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