just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
