You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
