Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
