Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
