i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You took a bar mat shot.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
