I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
