Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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