its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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