Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
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I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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