dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
