FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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