If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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