I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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