I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
