He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
