I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
