when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I AM VODKA MAN
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
