A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
