k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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