is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Two words: blizzard sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
