Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
