im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
