She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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