He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
