btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
