We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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