I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
