is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
