I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You can't special order awesome
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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