I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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