sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
