did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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