so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
