normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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