Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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