Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
